lies cyclists tell

We cyclist are perfectly nice people, but occasionally we stretch the truth when it comes to the activity we so dearly love. The lies are not malicious, and are often unintentional, but nevertheless, fibs are still fibs. So we apologize in advance to our family members, significant others, friends, riding companions and co-workers. Here are the lies cyclists tell:

“I’ll be back by noon.”

It’s really hard to predict the duration of a ride. It’s hard to say when we’ll be back home.. While we are bounding out the door, we are happy to provide a time of our return, but take it with a grain of salt. Adding an extra 30 minutes to an hour to our estimate is probably more realistic.

“This is a no drop ride.”

When the competitive juices get flowing, who knows what sort of ride it will become? The local world championship bragging rights are on the line. We are sorry in advance?

“Today is an easy day.”

Sure it is. That’s why we spent the entire ride pulling the group and sprinting up every hill. Whether it’s a rest week or not, our competitive edge often comes out on rides.

“There is only one small climb left.”

This is one we tell ourselves as much as others. Route details are often skewed to make us feel more confident in our ability to finish the ride. We may say it’s all flat but really what we mean is the ride doesn’t get any easier from this point forward so buckle up for the long ride home. Kilometres often get mixed up to, that’s why one hour of riding left so often becomes two or more.

“My plan is to peak later in the season.”

Riders who are always missing a little bit of form and use this excuse are lying. We just didn’t train hard enough. We are really looking for reasons to explain why we are out of shape. We are sorry to break it to you.

“It rained this morning, but the trails should be dry by now.”

When we really want to get out on the singletrack, it’s pretty easy to make things up. Fast drying trails are hard to come by.

“My mornings are booked with meetings. Please don’t disturb me at the office.”

We’ll be streaming bike races throughout the spring and summer months so we’d rather you not disturb us while we are gazing intensely at our computer screens. For your information, the road schedule goes like this: the Spring Classics, the Giro d’Italia, the Tour de France, the Vuelta a España and finally the world championships. Great racing often overlaps with the workday.

“No, honey, that’s not a new bike, wheels, kit, etc.”

Honest. We know you see a totally different colour and name on the side, but it’s the same. That other bike? Hmm, we are just storing it for a friend, yeah, that’s it.

“I am pretty tired. I won’t pull much today.”

As we proceed to sprint past the whole group at every town-line sign and take monster pulls into the headwind. Our words say one thing, our legs say another.

“I’m just going to sit in today” says the guy wearing a skinsuit.”

We would totally believe you but you’re rocking that pro-casual look and you’ve been training all off-season just to drop us on this ride.

“These trails aren’t too technical.”

We are confident in our ability to navigate the brutal rock garden, the roots and the big drops so you should be confident in your ability to.

“I’m not a sprinter/climber/puncher.”

We can’t excel in all terrain, but when we use the excuse that we lack the natural skill set to excel on the ride we are on, it’s really just that we don’t like sprinting/climbing/etc.


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2 Comments

  • Jon says:

    All of these are valid and I have used half of them

  • icebike says:

    The rock garden concept in the ‘It’s not to technical reminded me of a little expedition where I got into trouble by missing a sign in an English Garden. You are not supposed to cycle here the workers said. Oh says I. There are signs they said. I’m not much for walking my bike but had missed the sign and then had no choice.

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