September’s arrived and, just like that, cross isn’t just a hashtag anymore. Cross is very much here.
The World Cup season kicked off in Iowa City, where Maghalie Rochette landed her first ever Elite World Cup win.
Not all of us are quite ready for the start of our local cyclocross series, though. Some of us still haven’t cleaned our bike since the prior season ended.
If you’ve recently pulled your bike out of the garage caked in a thick layer of dried mud from last year, here’s 14 excuses you can use to explain your maintenance negligence.
Of course, these are only excuses for why you’re bringing it in to your bike shop for service. Do not – do not – bring it in still caked in the mud from a cold November rain.
14 reasons why your cross bike is still covered in last year’s mud
It was lost in the mud at Peterborough CX nationals, and you only just found it.
Peterborough nationals were a fantastic event, and you should definitely be planning your trip to race/spectate when they return again this year. They were also enough of a mud-fest that it’s entirely plausible your bike disappeared into a deep mud pit and only just resurfaced
You went into the beer garden after the last race, and only just re-located it
Cross is about community, and the sense of community is particularly strong in the beer garden after the last race of the year.
You thought my sponsors were taking care of it
The pit crews job is over the minute you cross the last finish line of the year. Buy them a beer and clean your own bike.
You took too many handups at the last race and lost track of it
You had it part way through the lap. What happened to it? Who cares – you got the loudest cheers on course.
You had a bet with a friend that whoever lost the last race had to clean the bikes and he/she reneged on the bet
This is the best way to shift the blame off yourself, just don’t let your friend find out you’ve been using them as an excuse.
You just didn’t want to admit cyclocross wasn’t over
Pulls on the heartstrings. Does nothing to clean your bike.
It was your pit bike and you forgot to pick it up after the race
Everyone’s been so tired after a race they forgot something in the pits…
You had your best race of the year and didn’t want to clean the good luck mud off
“What’s that? That’s the mud from Silver Goose, where I was 17th in 60+ Intermediate Master’s Men. I’m never washing that off.”
Your hose froze before the last race, and it’s only just thawed
Winter arrives in some provinces before cross is over. The classic frozen hose excuse is one any Canadian will understand
You never wash your bike during playoffs
Just like you never shave a playoff beard, because luck accumulates, right?
You really just like that mud/rust patina look
Though it’s starting to look more like rust than mud …
You crashed really hard at your last race and you’re worried the dry mud is the only thing still holding your frame together
That dried mud isn’t just dirt, it’s structural dirt.
You’re a junior, probably, and you thought your parents would do that for you
The PG version of thinking your sponsors will clean the bike, because parents are just pit crew, right?