Sixty-year-old receives ban for banned substances that didn’t seem to work

An 60-year-old Englishman has been handed a four-year competition ban for a positive test for three banned substances after placing 95th in a 40-km time trial. The substances 1,3-Dimethylbutylamine, Ostarine and GW1516 were found in Stephen Costello’s sample after he rolled the Stone Wheelers’ 40-mile time trial on May 20.

Mr. Costello claims that his wife spiked his breakfast smoothie with four supplements a week before he stopped the clock at 59:21, an excuse his wife affirmed but the National Anti-Doping Panel found highly dubious. He told a tribunal that he believed his smoothie contained only fruit, vegetables and ice, but his wife had secretly added her supplements GW Stamina, Ostacize, L-Carnitine and T9 Diet Aid.

While Mrs. Costello asserted that she wanted to help her husband lose weight and spiked the smoothie because her husband didn’t believe in the benefits of supplements, the four substances supposedly aid the body’s stamina, energy and muscle repair. She herself hadn’t lost weight while taking them.

The risible nature of the story elicited comical responses on Twitter. One wag used the social media site’s new 280-character capacity to offer lyrics from The Verve’s 90s classic “The Drugs Don’t Work.”

All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down
And I hope you're thinking of me
As you lay down on your side
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again #280 https://t.co/I8gKYHyBYc

— Wayne Elvin (@elvis7a) November 10, 2017

https://twitter.com/jeltonwalters/status/928965544526729217