Most individuals who ride bikes are great people but here are the reasons you should never date a cyclist

never date a cyclist

1. We will always be tired after a ride

Hope you didn’t want to go for a long romantic walk.

2. Our homes are filled with bikes

N+1 is the golden rule where N is the number of bikes I currently own. Maybe if this works we will get a tandem together.

3. We are in the habit of riding for longer than we tell you

“Back by noon,” I shout when I close the door behind me in the morning. What I really mean is back by 3 pm if everything goes smoothly and we don’t take the scenic route home.

article continues after advertisement

4. The tan lines and shaved legs

The tans lines are etched in our skin so don’t complain when we wear shorts, swimwear, skirts etc. and if your significant other is male he probably borrowed your razor to shave his legs. Hope you don’t mind.

5. Night dates aren’t a thing.

Unless your idea of a hot date consists of an early night, healthy food and no alcohol. Hey, we gotta be up early for the ride on Sunday. On weekday mornings you may not even see you as we make a racket trying to sneak out the door at the crack of dawn.

6. Every so often you will get an emergency call asking you to drive out to pick us up

Your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse got a mechanical, ran out of spare tubes, got lost, was involved in a minor crash, etc. You’ll hear every excuse in the book. It doesn’t mean you’ll ever enjoy stopping what you’re doing, getting in the car and finding your significant other in the middle of nowhere to drive them and their bike home.

7. Saddle sores are a thing and they might be somewhat unappealing.

This might be an understatement but it’s what happens after long hours in the saddle.

8. Don’t like the taste of sweat? Too bad.

You’re going to taste our sweat. You will know exactly what it tastes like. Another gross part about loving a cyclist.

9. We will drag you out for a ride even if you hate it.

Somehow we convince you, you hate it. We stay hopeful that one day you will join us for a weekend group ride and let me buy that bike I have been eyeing for you.

10. If you want company in the morning, your best bet is a teddy bear or dog. Count us out.

We are out riding before anyone wakes up. The up side is that you might wake up with breakfast and coffee ready.

11. Bikes always come with us on vacation

You will want to book your vacation somewhere where there are no roads, no single track, no trails and definitely no iconic cycling climbs. This rules out a lot of places including basically all of Europe.

12. You are going to hear so much cycling talk that will bore you out of your mind.

You will hear about who got a new bike, who dressed the best on the group ride, what the best coffee ride is, who was a nuisance on the ride, who is riding strong and what our next purchase is going to be. The list goes on. Thanks for at least faking your excitement.

13. We will spend all our money on cycling gear.

Yes, I definitely needed those new pair of socks, that new kit, the new sunglasses, the second pair of wheels you don’t understand why I spend so much money on and you may not know it yet but I am already planning my next bike purchase.

14. There will be laundry and bike stuff everywhere.

After every ride there is a whole set of kit that needs to be washed. The hamper will always fill up quickly during riding season and we don’t just ride bikes, we clean bikes and we fix bikes meaning we need the tools to do that.

15. We eat all your food.

We do this almost as shamelessly as dogs do. Because we’re cycling, we are always hungry. When we come home from a long ride, we feel half-starved and end up eating everything in sight.

16. We think it would just be easier if you were a cyclist too

Then you’d just get it.


Related

6 Comments

  • Sarah says:

    Ahem….#4 assumes this cyclist is male. Pretty much everything else holds.

  • dandytoronto says:

    I don’t like the male focus.

  • Jcy Ho says:

    No…. this is no male or female focus! It’s cyclist focus! I am laughing so hard whilst reading this! Every point is so spot on! But I am super lucky… because my boyfriend loves cycling as much as I do!

    All our trips are planned around how to bring our bikes, and cycle A to B. The craziest so far, we cycled around Bohol island in a day as our Xmas present. 313km for 15 hours… we ate like pigs, smell like shxxxxt and slept like babies! But we loved it!!

    Cycling is very addictive…. so don’t say I didn’t warn you! 😂

  • Nullifidian says:

    This reminds me of the letter in a cycling magazine that I read, years ago. The writer complained, contemptuously, that his wife couldn’t see the difference between his racing bike and his hack bike. I bet she could; she was probably just seething. I guess that marriage didn’t last much longer.

    A marriage between a cyclist and a non-cyclist is probably as doomed as one between an atheist and a religionist.

Leave a Reply